There is much to be said for the idea that once you truly believe something it will become your reality; the universe will align with your thoughts and begin to move everything in the direction of your goal.
Since 2008 I have worried about what it would be like to see my ex again. He never spoke to me after I left. We had been together for seven years (mortgage, car, four pets, a place upstate) and within six months of my leaving he was married with a baby on the way. I tried many times to contact him to check in and catch up but he never responded. It became explicitly clear that he was not interested in staying in touch.
This has eaten away at me all these years for a hundred self-doubting reasons. But don’t forget – I have finally declared this the last year of life as I know it. The end of my single journey. The last page of this chapter. I decided to believe that it is all coming to a close in order for a new door to open to the best most exciting journey yet.
Enter the Universe.
Friends of mine from NYC asked me to help with a brand new show they’ve been workshopping, so for the past three weeks I’ve gone into the city every day to get paid to have a blast. On our second night of performance last week, guess who came to see our interactive show where the audience was a part of the action and there was no way to avoid anyone or anything?
At first when I found out he was coming my stomach did a little flip flop. But then it went back to normal really quickly and when I saw him the truth is I felt nothing. The third time he passed by me during the show he acknowledged me. He acted like himself (I got a stoner ‘Heeeeyyyy’ with a one armed bro hug) and I remembered why I left. End of story.
Eight years of worrying for…. nothing. But it doesn’t end there.
The last night of the show was followed by a cast/birthday party. I knew it was going to be a rager and if I stayed I’d get drunk and seriously regret it. I’ve been working so hard to exercise, eat well and stay focused and this was going to set me back. Except here’s the thing: I will never be drunk again. A drink here and there sure, but all night ragers? A thing of my past. This was a hugely final decision for me at UPW in March.
So what happened? I stuck to my conviction. I had two drinks after the show, spent twenty minutes circling the room giving thanks and appreciation and love for the amazing time I had, and then I got the fuck out of there and caught the last train home to Connecticut. It was not easy to do but it was a must and so I did it.
Do you think the universe struck again? FUCK YAH the universe struck again!
When I got on the train I made a beeline for a window seat in an empty three-seater row. As I sat down I noticed two very shiny pennies on that seat. I picked them up and for some inexplicable reason flipped them over in my hand and opened my palm. I looked at the dates printed on each one.
Why did I do this? Because the Universe needed me to see it! The one on the left said 2008. The one on the right said 2017.
Hells to the freakin’ yah! This latest phase of my life has been amazing. I have so much gratitude for the adventures I’ve been on and I don’t regret being single for one second. But I also can’t wait to see what’s next!!