Crickets

In my head it goes like this. I am calm and friendly. He is polite and attentive. I say, “I’ve never asked anyone out before so I may be totally off base here, but I really would have appreciated a quick response to my offer, even just to say ‘No thank you.’ It took every ounce of courage I had to ask you out. You know my name. We’ve had conversations. I don’t think I deserve to be completely blown off.”

In reality it’s just crickets. I won’t get the chance to speak my peace because chasing him down the street again would assuredly cross me over into crazy chick territory and I doubt he’ll ever return to my cart. I just get to live with being ignored. It’s right there in the Tao. Accept being unimportant. A good man does his part but does not exact his due.

This isn’t a lesson in rejection. I’ve got that down pat from years of practice. (Cry. Sleep. Wake up and move on.) No, this is a lesson in getting out of my head. I spend a lot of time in there dreaming up fantasies and worrying about everything I haven’t accomplished yet. I’m the queen of despising the journey and concentrating only on the outcome. I don’t want to meet someone, learn about them and fall in love. I want to already be in love. Where does that get me?

There is another option. The one where we live in the present moment and concentrate on what is actually happening instead of what we expect should be happening.

Sometimes when we jump the parachute doesn’t open. Doesn’t mean we have to fall. We just have to teach ourselves how to fly. I’m learning. In the end I can walk away knowing I am calm and friendly. Anyone who has known me throughout my life can attest; those are big accomplishments for me. And I can’t explain why, but for some reason I’ve got West Side Story stuck in my head.

Something’s coming

I don’t know what it is

But it is

Gonna be great

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