The question was posed by my astrologer, another Jenny Lynch. We could spend a lifetime collecting them she said, or simply choose to follow them.
How many of us can say they prayed for love and healing and woke up the next day to an opportunity to work at an institution dedicated to love and healing? Not many, I assume. And it’s not just any job; it is specifically in line with what I spent 15 years doing in various theatrical environments. It’s what I’m good at. This position represents a coming together of what I’m professionally trained to do and what I want for my personal growth.
So why is my heart trying to convince me to pass it up? Fear of boredom and loneliness in a small town far away from my new social network is why.
Is that my heart talking or is it my ego?
Jenny also said transiting Saturn (in my professional sector) on my Pluto for the first time in 30 years marks a time of professional change. Jupiter and Uranus on the nadir, are entering my 4th house of home for the only time in my life. She thinks this is a definite turning point and something to strongly consider.
My horoscope prodded me further: If there are some new ideas floating around today that make you feel uncomfortable, then those are the ideas you need to pay attention to most. It is time to stretch your boundaries and step into a new experience, or at least make a new beginning toward a familiar goal. There is a new energy in your step, a new outlook on the same old circumstances. This is a great day to give something ‘one more try.’ This time the outcome will be more like what you want it to be.
As with everything else in my life that I’ve been facing over the past year and a half, the same exact issue crops up and threatens to hold me back. Sure I want to pursue career prospects in line with my talents and goals. Sure I want to continue down a path towards enlightenment and a better understanding of the oneness of the world.
I just don’t want to keep doing it all by myself.
If my life was the romantic comedy I’ve always dreamed it would be, the love of my life would appear on my doorstep and make this decision for me right…. now. I know there’s no sense waiting, that’s simply not going to happen, now is it?
All I want to do is eat cookies, but every time I eat cookies lately I get heartburn and want to puke. So no more cookies.
I’ve said starting a business from nothing and succeeding as an entrepreneur reminded me I can do anything so long as I commit to placing one foot in front of the other and continue moving forward. Why do I think I would fail in a small town? Maybe it’s exactly what I need. Maybe I’m being cosmically pushed towards a person.
And in terms of the job I have now, I have to admit that it hurts my leg/hip injury (a lot) and sometimes makes me feel like I work for the bastard love child of Tower Records and Blue Man Group. I never moved to Portland with the intention of staying here permanently. Since day one I’ve been considering this job a ticket to elsewhere. Maybe elsewhere has nothing to do with grocery store management.