For Now It’s Just Me

Here I am two days in at my friend’s house feeling a little blah, lovesick actually. I’m immediately taken with his arborist roommate who is showing little interest in me. A million maybes. Maybe he’s being polite, maybe he’s keeping his distance because he thinks my friend and I have a thing, maybe he’s simply not interested.

Here I am in paradise pining over love and sex. How ridiculous.

Yesterday I biked the windward side of the island. Beautiful as it was, I wanted to not be alone. Today I walked to Ka’ena Point amongst nesting albatross at the far western tip. Beautiful as it was, I wanted to share it with someone.

The dialogue still happens in my head, every conversation I would be having if I were here with my ex. And I wonder, what have I done? Why wasn’t I able to grow and change within the confines of that relationship like I wanted to?

I suppose someday I’ll look into the face of a person I have yet to experience the joy of knowing and finally understand, “OK, this is why.” For now though, it’s still just me.

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1 thought on “For Now It’s Just Me”

  1. Being there with the wrong person would be far worse than being there alone, listening for the voice of God in your life. All is exactly as it’s meant to be at this exact moment in time.

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