Crush At Fifth Sight

So the tour bus guy.

You ever see someone a few times and not think much of it, then one day, out of the blue, it’s like blammo! who is that? I wanna know that guy. All of a sudden you see them in a completely different light.

That happened to me last year, March of 2010. I was going to see one of my favorite musicians perform. I’d seen him quite a few times on the east coast and always noticed his percussionist was particularly hot. But I didn’t need another tall skinny musician in my life; I already had one of those at home. So I would go and see them perform and I would think well that guy’s cute and that would be the end of it.

Something shifted last year. They came to Portland. I went with my sister. I always go with my sister, it’s one of our things. This time when he walked on stage I was just struck. The cadence of his step, the peace in his face, the ease with which he sat cross legged on his blanket. For the entire performance I couldn’t take my eyes off of him and I could swear I caught him checking me out too.

He probably never actually looked at me and was just blindly staring into the stage lights as performers often do, but afterwards I definitely caught his eye as I made my way over to the edge of the stage. I wanted so badly to talk to him but nerves took over and all I could muster was, “Thank you. That was beautiful.” He returned the gratitude with a smile and I left.

On our way out my sister realized she lost her car keys and I got excited at the prospect of going back to look for them and actually starting a conversation with him. But I couldn’t do it. I didn’t really want to do it. The wounds of my last disaster were still too fresh for me to feel comfortable flirting.

We became Facebook friends, which can mean everything or nothing and in this case amounted to very little. Having a safe crush from a distance was all I needed. Admiring a talented stranger from afar stirred me awake after a long slumber of feeling mostly nothing towards the opposite sex. It reminded me why online dating doesn’t work for me – I have to look someone in the eye to know if I’m interested. Photographs and blog posts can’t tell the full story. Scanning a person’s face gives you so much more.

So he passed through town again the other night. I went to see him again with my sister, of course, because that’s what we do. And again there was eye contact, nerves and a mumbled “Thank you” from the edge of the stage. Afterwards I sent him a note on Facebook and he responded:

He: Hey I just saw you tonight right?

Me: Right (smiley face)

He: You should have come and talked to me (sad face)

Me: I could say the same to you

He: Oh you’re good

And so a conversation started. A safe, distant, flirtatious one that I hope will continue.

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