Un· con· ven· tion· al

[uhn-kuhn-ven-shuh-nl]

– Not conforming to accepted rules or standards; free from conventionality

– Synonyms: eccentric, individualistic, idiosyncratic, atypical

This word came up again and again in my astrology reading last week. Sure you may have a husband and family someday but you won’t find satisfaction from a conventional arrangement. Yah you’ll have a good job and make money again, but you’ll do it unconventionally. Some people have very straightforward charts but not you. Tilt of the head, purse of the lips, “You’re just an unconventional person really.”

At first I was put off. After sitting with it for a few days though, I’ve come to really like the idea. My track record shows I’m not the get a degree, get married, buy a house and have kids kinda gal. Those things are important to me, but not in the fashion they are to most. (And not in the order either.) I went to college but didn’t stay. I probably could have married my first boyfriend but didn’t. I bought a co-op in Brooklyn, sort of, but I left it. And when the opportunity to have a baby with my life partner arose, I packed up the dog and ran screaming for the opposite coast.

Even after all that I found myself on the verge of marriage and kids once again with the disastrous rebound… and it all blew up in my face. Initially I was a wreck from the scope of the damage, but looking back now, almost two years later, I have to say thank goodness it didn’t happen. Seriously, let me take a minute to yell it from the top of a mountain, “THANK YOU UNIVERSE FOR SNAPPING ME OUT OF MY INSANITY IN TIME TO SAVE ME FROM WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE BIGGEST AND MOST DEVASTATING MISTAKE OF MY LIFE! I LOVE YOU!”   <<<hugs>>>

It’s time to take responsibility for all of these shenanigans. It’s time to fall in love with my life exactly as it is and figure out what I really want from the rest of it.

These past few years I’ve enjoyed a very successful process of letting go all guilt and weird feelings I’ve had about not living up to certain social standards or doing things in the proper order. Career and homeownership came first. Then I had a business. Next I’m going to school and hopefully there will be a husband and motherhood down the line, but honestly, I don’t care which comes first.

Along the way there have been successful and unsuccessful relationships. I used to feel bad about those. It’s not that I ever wanted to be a straightforward-by-the-book-prim-and-proper-young-lady, it’s that I felt guilty for not being one. And now… I kinda just don’t anymore. This is who I am. I’m done with the guilt and I’m starting to really like myself this way.

Years ago when I started planning what would become my first business, I used a workbook by Kaira Rouda called Real You, Incorporated. It’s awesome. She’s awesome. A fantastic read for anyone interested. The first thing she has you do is ask all your friends and loved ones to describe you in one word. It’s a huge ego boost because everyone is nice and comes up with really flattering words. Then you pare them all down and pick the one that feels right. (BTW I picked honest. How BORING?!)

Anyway, the point of this tangent is that after my reading I remembered that process from Real You and I thought to myself, “I should make a decision to apply the word unconventional to my life and therefore stop worrying so much about things not working out for me the way they (seem to) work out for everyone else.” What does it matter anyway? I’m unconventional. Oh that Jenny, so unconventional.

It’s kind of absurd and egotistical. And yet it’s kind of totally rad.

Later on down the road I’ll use it again to help me form the basis of my future company, the B&B. For now though, I’m going to have fun applying it straight to my life. There’s something very freeing about that word. It lends a sense of comfort to my path, which never ends up as straightforward as I try to make it be. I guess I should stop trying to make it be anything.

Unconventional. I just fell in love. Thank you Sherene.

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