Snails in the Forest

Are there usually snails in the forest? I’m certainly not accustomed to seeing them there. I’m not accustomed to seeing them anywhere come to think of it. The last time I can remember seeing snails was Paris 1994, my best friend Joanna was eating them at a fancy restaurant near the Seine. She laughed and called them escargot. I stifled my gag reflex.

Tryon Creek is generally slathered in slugs as big as my shoes, but snails? No. Ah but here they are in the middle of the trail, snail after snail after snail. The first one caught me off guard. What the…?! Why it’s a snail! In the middle of a trail!

Half a mile later, the second one almost got stepped on. Stupid snail sitting in the middle of a trail. Obviously doesn’t realize I’m pissed off today. Doesn’t seem to notice that it’s 61 degrees and misting on July fucking 21st. Doesn’t give a shit that I’m moving in three weeks and still don’t have a job or a place to live. That fucking snail couldn’t care less that I’ve been working six days a week for almost three months now and from the looks of my bank account have almost nothing to show for it.

Fuck that snail. I’ve got woods to trudge through at a hurried pace. I’ve got harnesses and leashes to yank at angrily. I’ve got stress and negativity to get mired down deep inside of. Snail, leave me alone! I’ve got doubts to raise about my decisions and abilities…

There’s another fucking snail. Are you kidding me? Why are there so many snails? What do snails mean, what do they stand for, what do they do?!!!



Snails are sloooow.

Snails are slow?

Yah, they’re slow. You’re moving really fast and snails, well, snails are the opposite. They’re slow.

Snails are slow. Right. Thank you Eckhart-Tolle-voice-in-my-head. OK slow down. Slow down, I’m acting like an idiot. I made this choice. This is a conscious leap of faith specifically designed to bring me to a happier place in a more suitable climate. I knew from the get-go I’d be going into debt and now I’m freaking out because that process has started. No one is going to feel bad for me because I decided to quit my job and move to paradise in the middle of an economic meltdown.

I could just breathe in the forest for a minute, reconcile the present moment. Worrying about money never creates more money and at this point in time I have enough to pay my rent and my credit card bill and buy food for all four mouths. I have gas money to get me to work and much as I would clearly like to, I still have no idea what’s going to happen tomorrow. And it probably won’t involve living out of my car.

I could go back to mindless brain chatter or I could inhale and take a closer look at this snail. Such a pretty red and black shell… Looks a lot like a slug. Wait a second is a snail just a slug with a shell therefore making a slug just the squishy part of a snail? Did my best friend eat slugs?! Where’s an entomologist when you need one?

Ah never mind. I already feel better.


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