Shred Baby Shred

I am a meticulous document saver and filer. It’s right there at the top of my wicked phat resume skillz: Organizational Flow yo. When I left New York I took everything. Why not? I had a moving truck and a savings account. Being laid off and dumped was bad enough; it was no time for further downsizing. This time, however, space and funds are quite limited. There’s no room for unnecessary baggage especially when it costs so much to ship over an ocean. The old credit card bills, the bank statements, the manuals for things I don’t own anymore…

Goodbye useless documents. Say hello to my friend the paper shredder.

Going through it all, what strikes me the most is how sick I was when I lived in New York, and not with simple colds but with serious conditions. I have three bulging hanging files dedicated to documentation for insurance claims and test results. A blood clot, Lyme disease, a flu so bad I was sent to the emergency room and had to write my symptoms down because I couldn’t speak, epidemic conjunctivitis that lasted almost a year and caused me to lose vision in my left eye, an allergic reaction to mold so serious I had to leave my job because I couldn’t breathe at work, and the list goes on and on.

I haven’t really gotten sick since moving to Oregon. Isn’t that interesting? Back/leg injury notwithstanding, the only time I was ill was when I got a mild case of pneumonia from working outside in the rain all day for months renovating my food cart (or should I say from watching my sister renovate my food cart?).

I kept a timeline of every incidence of illness I’ve encountered for my own gross fascination and so my kids will know what’s coming at them genetically, but into the shredder went the rest. The insurance claims, the doctors notes, the blood test results…

Goodbye being sickly. Hello health and happiness.

Then I came upon the demeaning paperwork I had to sign when I got laid off. Floodwaters erupted immediately at the sight of the blue letterhead. I couldn’t stop them. It was a little surprising to learn that wound can still gush. Having something I worked tirelessly at for so many years ripped right out from underneath me was devastating. My career meant the world to me and it has taken a long time to recover.

For the most part I’ve regained my confidence and sense of direction, but I have yet to recover financially. The biggest blow was the statement of my weekly salary at the time I was let go. I used to make three times as much working five days a week as I now do working six.

But sitting cross-legged on the floor crying about it does me nothing. My options are simple: marry for money or start to climb the next peak….

Goodbye feeling unworthy. Goodbye being broke. Into the shredder go the documents and up the mountain goes me.

I would definitely liken today’s shredder experience to the forty-day juice fast. Clearing out past toxins that have been festering in the corners of my living space has helped me feel lighter, freer, clearer in my goals and confident that I can accomplish them even though they seem so far away right now. Here’s to release and continuing to move forward.

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2 thoughts on “Shred Baby Shred”

  1. Here’s to a health-filled future and a handful of kids to read that timeline. 🙂

    I can feel the freedom in your words, the letting go, and unfurling of your wings.

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