It’s a day like yesterday that puts me over the edge. Chaos erupts at work, my boss gets let go, everyone freaks out and my co-assistant manager creates more fires than he puts out. At work since dawn and of course staying hours late, I’m on damage control from every angle – the whole time silently stressing about my dogs because they’ve been cooped up so long. There’s tons of traffic on the way home and when I finally get there I remember I ran out of dog food that morning. I’m literally feeding them carrot sticks for dinner and forget about the cat, she’s just going hungry. I have no time to take the run I so desperately need because I’m already late for my friend’s birthday party, the one I can’t afford and don’t even know how to get to, and trash is overflowing from the garbage can.
I don’t want to vent. I don’t want to break down and cry it out. I just want to come home to a man’s voice saying, “No worries. I got the dog food and took the trash out. Just have a shower and go to your party.”
I want a kiss on the temple and a smack on the ass as I walk back out the door and a lot of sex when I return home.
I don’t have these things. I haven’t had these things for years now so I continue to seek out the balance on my own.
There’s so much to juggle; isn’t there? I see the progression into the hole. One day I don’t have time to run and the next I feel tired so I drink caffeine. It’s a slippery slope into sugarville and screwy sleep patterns and sometimes I just don’t have the strength to stay off it. The bad downtown experience and moving twice in three weeks, stress at work and so little free time. It adds up quickly and wreaks havoc on the balance. All of a sudden I’ve been out of whack for a month and my focus has turned negative, only seeing what’s missing.
If I’m lucky, and I always seem to be eventually, an old friend will reappear to remind of me of something to be thankful for. Something so simple, perfectly timed, and like a Buddha bell I’ll remember… “Focus on what you have, right? The good stuff.”
I ran today for the first time in weeks. It was only two miles but it did the trick. That is, it snapped me out of the funk I’m not sure I even knew I was stuck in and got me excited to get back on track and in shape.
Why is it so easy to forget to do the things that bring us peace? Why is it so easy to slip back into the patterns that build up our stress rather than release it?