KB set me straight after I told her the story about the yoga teacher who fled after one look at me, because I also told her the story about what happened at Kona Brewing Company three weeks ago.
I had just gotten back from New York and was stuck in the nostalgia of the city, pining to have stayed amongst the comfort and love of family and friends. I needed an experience that would remind me how much I do in fact love my new life, so I took myself on a solo date to my favorite pub. I got a table on the water, ordered bruschetta and a Duke’s blonde ale and settled in to read a book by Laura Vanderkam about what happy people know about money. (Not wealthy people mind you, happy people.)
I was enjoying the read when a cute old man came over to my table to chat me up. What was I reading, what was my name, etc. After a few minutes he left me to my book but not for long. Soon he was back because he had a friend at the bar who wanted to talk to me. Nice young guy, not bad looking… was I interested? He’d give him a thumbs up or down depending on how I answered.
While I was flattered that this was happening to me, I was stuck on the idea of this young guy sending an old man in to scope out the territory. Why wasn’t he just coming over and introducing himself? When it comes to men, confidence is supremely important to me. The old man and I went back and forth a few rounds, him sticking up for the worthiness of the young guy and me clearly explaining what I was worth and what I expected from a man who wanted to talk to me. I just wouldn’t have it, I said. I’ve got loads of guts and confidence, what am I going to do with a guy who can’t match that?
In the end the old man leaned in close and told me with a wink that I’d made the right decision. Then he looked back at the bar and made a big thumbs down motion in the air. The entire bar erupted with an “Ooohhhh!!” and I saw the guy shake his head in disappointment. It was utterly flattering and completely fantastic.
At that point in the story KB chimed in. “You’re deflecting!” she exclaimed. “Don’t you get it? The universe has been testing you over and over and you’re passing. That thumbs down was such a clear signal that you’re no longer settling for anything less than what you want and deserve. The yoga guy was a douche so the universe stepped in and said, ‘Nope, don’t even waste your time here.’ And poof! He was gone.
“If the universe keeps offering up douchebags and you keep saying ‘No!’ it’s gonna get the point that you really actually want what you say want. And then look out! Keep it up ‘cuz the right guy’s comin’!”
At the end of the day I figure why in the world would I not look at it her way? It gives me back my power and confirms that I’m making the right choices, choices that are ultimately setting me on my correct path towards my happiest future. And in the meantime the present moment is pretty fuckin’ rad too.
Telling the universe what you want while simultaneously making it clear that you will not accept what you don’t want… Seems simple enough, doesn’t it?