Fuckin’ Allergies!

Last Sunday after French fries and a beer with a good friend I went home and had a full blown allergy attack. It was the works – hives all over my abdomen, swollen throat, puffed up eyes, itchy skin – I even had the pleasure of vomiting until there was nothing left in my stomach. It was grand.

I know the story sounds suspect. Sure Jen, you went out on St. Patrick’s Day for “one beer” which led to an “allergy attack” that involved uncontrollable vomiting. But I assure you those are the truths, my party days having long since passed. I had a fever and chills, popped a few Bendaryl and woke up groggy but most definitely not hung over.

I called the restaurant the next day and found out the fries, as well as the fried wontons they put on the table, were cooked in soybean oil. I also had a small serving of soymilk at work earlier because I challenged the baristas to come up with new smoothie recipes and one of them used soy as their base. Oy vey with the frickin’ soy!

Every day this week my throat has been a tiny bit swollen on the inside. The allergies bring on a sensation as though I have something in my throat that I need to cough out, but there’s no way to do that so it just sits there. Also every day this week my asthma has been kicking in. I developed asthma when I was working in a basement in Manhattan that got renovated. Once the walls were opened up enormous amounts of mold spores entered the airspace, some of which I am highly allergic to, and I’ve never been quite the same since.

Even now living thousands of miles out into the Pacific in the city with the best air quality in the nation, I still have asthma trouble. Apparently on certain days the trade winds catch the Big Island volcano ash that is constantly gushing out and send it over to Oahu, putting me and plenty of others into a tizzy of headaches, tight chests and the inability to catch a full breath.

If it’s not a broken toe or my finger going numb, then I’m gasping for air on a voggy day and coughing so much I can’t speak. This shit makes me crazy because it is always my intention to be strong and healthy, not to call out sick on an important training day.

Falling asleep last night was next to impossible. Logic would suggest the thing I wanted most was an inhaler but it wasn’t. I wanted a human. I wanted a warm body that loved me sleeping by my side, one that would shake me awake if I stopped breathing.

He has to be on his way by now, doesn’t he?

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