I needed to go to bed early last night so at 6:30 PM I popped a couple melatonin, unwrapped my mala beads setting my intention on kind hearted clarity, and recited the Om Namo Bhagavate 108 times. I placed the beads under my pillow and was blissfully asleep by 7:00 PM.
Three hours later I awoke to my truth when my phone rang and a voicemail was left that sounded exactly as I expected it would but also exactly as I hoped it wouldn’t. It was 13 seconds of yah I’m back in town and I’m sorry I haven’t called for two weeks, I certainly owe you an explanation on that so give me a call and we’ll talk.
There was no sweetness in his apology, no hope of seeing me soon, just the shallowness of another guy who got caught being a jackass and had nothing good to report.
And since I have this new policy against jackasses who can’t be bothered to stay in touch or respect my time and be grateful for my attention… well, I had no choice but to say thanks but I think I’ll pass.
I got up at 4:30 AM not nearly as rested as I should have been but still feeling ready for the task at hand: The Honolulu Century, a 100 mile bike ride starting at Kapiolani Park, heading 50 miles up the windward side of Oahu and back. And I gotta tell you, these rides never disappoint. Every single time I push myself a little farther than I think I can, I gain a clearer more peaceful perspective on life and how I really want it to go for me.
I could have called him back and listened to his bullshit story like I’ve done with way too many douchebags before him, just like I could have given up 70 miles into the ride coming out of Kailua when we got hit with a downpour of monsoon proportions, or 80 miles in at Hawaii Kai when my quads seized and literally stopped working. I could have turned right off of Kalanianaole at East Hind, 91 miles into my journey, and gone home and back to bed instead of crossing the finish line.
But I didn’t do any of those things because these odysseys remind me again and again to never give up on myself. The pay off always comes and for all we know it’ll be as good as free donuts on the far side of the finish line and a big field of grass to sprawl out on as we sink into the bliss of satisfaction and contentment.
These are the things that are truly priceless.
Finding someone who means what he says, someone who actively stays in touch because he wants to be with me, someone who will pursue me and see me fully, someone who will think “Holy shit this girl is a frickin’ catch and I AM NOT GOING TO MESS THIS UP!”… this is what my relationship goal has become and I’m gonna reach that finish line just like I’ve reached all the other ones. It might take what feels like forever but in the end I’ll be so glad I did it.
For now I’m sad. I took a risk reaching out to this person and once again fell flat on my face. But this feeling will pass quickly, rightfully pushed aside by the satisfaction I got from the awesome people I met on the road today and the accomplishment of cutting almost 2 hours off my ride time from my last attempt at 100 miles a few months ago.
Thanks for all the messages of love and support! It means the world to me when you guys cheer me on!