I said it myself last Friday. I can do cold or I can do wind or I can do rain. Just can’t do ‘em all at the same time.
My first ride across the southern coast of Connecticut was so cold I wanted to cry. My second ride down the eastern coast of Massachusetts was crazy hella windy. And today… holy goodness did I get poured on.
The truth is I didn’t have a clear plan or a map when I left my house. I just wanted to cover as many of the roads of Bethel, CT as I could and I wanted to figure out a way to honor a friend who recently passed from the awful C-Word.
I expected to struggle, which I did. I expected to feel lost and directionless, which I did. We are what we think, right?
Well Bethel, as you probably know, does not actually have that many roads and almost every single one of them contains a hill or twelve. For hours this morning I trudged slowly up those hills and glided down just so I could turn around and trudge back up them. In my head I was desperately turning over ideas but nothing I came up with felt right. So I just kept riding around in sad arduous circles.
After lunch at Molten Java I felt pretty deflated and decided to switch things up. I headed out past the airport and over towards Briar Ridge and the George Washington Highway on the far south corner of Danbury. I paid homage to my friend’s childhood home, circled around down Saw Mill to say hello to the folks at Ann’s Place and decided to leave it at that for the day.
I was somewhere near the Seth Low Pierrepont Reserve, still killing myself for not having it all figured out, when the downpour kicked in. And all of a sudden I woke up to the simple joy of what I was doing.
I had so many ideas about how solemn today was supposed to be yet I couldn’t force any kind of clarity. Death and mourning are never easy to make sense of. It wasn’t until I was drenched to the bone in fresh, surprisingly warm, fall rain that I let myself just have a nice ride.
For eleven soppy miles I relaxed and paid very close attention to the moment I was in as opposed to the moment I was trying to create. It’s hard to admit but I think that’s occasionally just gonna have to be enough.
I’m mixing up the schedule this weekend because Eri and I have an opportunity to see her surgical oncologist, Dr. Beth Seiling, speak about the Myths of Breast Cancer Monday night. Tomorrow I’ll head out to northeastern Connecticut to do a three state loop (CT, RI, MA) around Quiet Corner.