This morning I woke up agitated from a dream that a couple who had pretended to be my friends were nonchalantly stealing my car right in front of me. That should have been stressful enough in and of itself, but the true atrocity of the dream was that while it was happening I was like, “Meh, whatever. That’s a bummer.” Then something like 12 or 15 hours passed before I even told anyone it had happened.
A quick Google search of dream interpretations shows it’s a very common theme associated with losing one’s drive. Our car represents our motivation to move forward in some area of life. This makes perfect sense to me.
Recently I have been primarily focused on editing draft two of my first actual real has-a-beginning / has-an-ending / has-a-point book. It’s exciting and I’ve made a lot of progress. But that’s not the only thing I have going on right now. I’m also about to attempt a 70.3 mile Iron Man with rules like if you don’t get out of the water in an hour and twenty minutes you don’t get to continue the race and you have therefore swam in that disgusting lake for nothing.
But here’s the thing. Every day I chant out loud I Am A #1 New York Times Bestselling Author! I have post-it notes in my car declaring this truth. I believe this. I want this so bad I am making it happen. It’s the most important thing to me and I will stop at nothing short of getting my book published and out into the world.
The opposite is true for the triathlon. I am not excited. I am scared. I whisper to myself There is very little chance of finishing in time. I hate running so much it’s going to be awful and it’s going to hurt. Etc. Etc. Etc.
I’ve gotten to the point where I’m mad at my mom for cheering me on. Then I justify the anger because she just doesn’t understand how impossible it’s going to be and how awful I’m going to feel when I don’t complete it. This race is timed. When I don’t get out of the water fast enough I’m going to be forced to forfeit. I am going to fail.
The race is 24 days away. I’ve been going to the gym consistently but I’m not making enough progress to get to where I need to be.
I was so disjointed and annoyed when I woke up. Screw the people who stole my car but more importantly screw me for letting them take it. No more!
Today I am grateful to my subconscious for talking to me in my sleep. I am grateful for the internal shift. I am grateful I had the opportunity to take massive action. I heard the message loud and clear: “Do whatever you need to do to get your drive back! This matters!”
So I went to the YMCA and swam across the pool 88 times, the farthest I’ve ever swam. 88 X 25 yards = 2,200 yards = 1.2 miles. For the first time ever, I swam the length I’ll need to swim for the race and I did it with fifteen minutes to spare. Then I got changed and ran 8.5 miles in nonstop rain.
Any guesses as to how I felt throughout and afterwards?
Now the real key is to keep this momentum going, to repeat this action so many times it becomes my belief system: running in the rain feels good and it makes me happy 🙂