I think a lot of people expect me to be fragile and vulnerable (in a negative way) right now, crying a lot and seeking therapy. I’m not and that seems to be catching some off guard.
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Not drinking is a decision I have wanted to make for YEARS and at long last I have finally actually made it, not because I’m weak or sad. I made it because I am strong as fuck and all I want to do is get stronger.
I made this decision because by proactively reprogramming my brain (thank you Tony Robbins) to believe I am good and worthy of beautiful things, it finally dawned on me that I’m not required to occasionally feel like shit anymore.
The only negativity I feel right now is the same feeling I had when I finally left my stupid douchey ex boyfriend: Why in the world did it take me so long to make this decision? But I’m not going to sit around and dwell on it. I’m just going to move on feeling light as a bird and ready to fly.
But not drinking is generally seen as a dire punishment we force upon ourselves. Shame on you! You did a bad thing so you never get to relax or have any fun again! Sobriety is considered such an ugly word. Straight edge is way too extreme to be normal. Lack of alcohol is rarely if ever perceived as a gift.
In fact a large part of why it took me so long to remove myself from this particular roller coaster is the flood of peer pressure that rushed in every time I said out loud, “I don’t think I want to do this anymore.” Quit drinking?? GASP! The horror! Why would you ever do something like that to yourself??!!
From what I can tell Gabby Bernstein is the only person coming anywhere close to insisting sobriety can be joyful instead of depressing. Really where is the sober positive advertising? All I can find are 12-step memes that ooze desperation and guilt.
Our fear-based minds believe that change is tough and self-reflective work is difficult. But let’s face it: being consumed by fear is far more difficult than showing up for love – we’re just tricked into thinking fear is “easier” because it’s more familiar. When people at my lectures complain that change takes too much energy, my response is, “It takes a lot of time and energy to feel like crap, right?”
This clearly defined direction is not some rock bottom foundation upon which I’m building my new life. It’s just a really good healthy decision I’m making. What’s happened is I’ve figured out a negative pattern in my life and I’m making an active choice to call it out and eliminate it.
I would much prefer high fives over reminders that This is going to be so hard and You’ll have many more ups and downs. The point is I stepped off the roller coaster. So how about I just go up from here?
I’m excited for where I’m heading. And I’m excited to have two new big goals to add to my list of things to accomplish before this Last Year of Life as I Know It is over:
#1 Feel better at forty than I have ever felt in my life
(I have until March to get that one done)
#2 Figure out how to glamorize the shit out of sobriety
(This will be something I work on forever)
So here’s a toast of seltzer with a splash of O.J. to the glamorization of things that bring us happiness and joy. Things that make us smile and love ourselves. Things that help us go deeper into our beautiful bodies so we can clean out the gook rather than stuff it farther down. And here’s to an in depth spring cleaning of the soul.
Sending love and light ❤