A New Low

I’ve been quiet on here for a while because I’ve been concentrating on my first novel and submitting short stories and articles for publication. The novel is really fun to write but the submitting for publication is awful. It’s really true that you just receive rejection after rejection after rejection.

This week so far, I’ve received three rejections for my writing and this morning I hit a new low: I was rejected by a brand new publication seeking single childless women writers in their 30s and 40s who do not write about dating to write specifically for . . . wait for it . . . single childless women in their 30s and 40s who don’t want to read about dating.

So. My ego and my sense of identity are taking a real hit today. I’ve been crying a lot. I’ve been feeling like at some point soon I will need to take the hint from the universe that writing is not my path or my strength or something I do well by any stretch of the imagination.

I’m uncomfortable with these feelings. I know they represent giving into a need to be accepted by others who are complete and total strangers. I know they fan the flames and justify my fears of rejection, my fears of never experiencing publication as a writer, my fears of finding out that no one other than my closest friends wants to read or hear what I have to say.

The piece I submitted is about how often we ask ourselves bad primary questions like “What is wrong with me?” and how our literal brains answer these questions in a straightforward literal manner – meaning they don’t come up with happy, beautiful ways for us to be right, they simply tell us exactly why we are wrong. Ask a bad question, get a bad answer. I go on to lay out ways we can flip the script on those repetitive internal narratives so we receive better answers, answers that guide us away from berating ourselves and towards progress.

One of my examples is: What if we flip Why does everything horrible always happen to me? into What can I be grateful for in this moment? So how about I stop complaining and take my own advice for a minute . . .

In this moment I can be grateful for you: meaning every person who has taken the time to read anything I’ve written up to this point; my supportive boss, family, and friends; my fiction critique group who keep exclaiming things about how much they love the voice of my main character which is particularly fantastic because it is absolutely 100% my voice ever-so-thinly disguised as a fictional character; the CIPA Awards who named me second place winner for best memoir with my first self-published book in 2018; the lovely people who follow me on Facebook and my blog; the fabulous networking group/home of incredible strangers I have quickly grown to love at the Right Company that has embraced me and all my flaws with open arms; and me. I can be grateful for my will to follow my dreams despite constant rejection. I can be grateful for my commitment to topics I truly believe in even if they are too self-helpy for others. I can be grateful for my own resolve and the never ending slew of predicaments I continue to place myself in, in order to reach, stretch, and grow.

If you’re reading my little note to nowhere and feel inclined to check out my article, you’ll find it here on Medium. Thank you for following my blog. I really appreciate you!

Live in love 💛 and light 💡

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