This post was initially titled “One Week With Food.” Then it became “Two Weeks With Food.” Life keeps getting in the way. Not necessarily a bad thing, just been busy.
I’m taking a sick day from cart world today. It’s a combination of glorious and completely irresponsible. On the upside I’m concentrating on the gloriousness and getting a lot of work done. And now I get to check in with you on the newest phase of my food journey.
The first couple days of eating were great. I ate tiny portions, took large doses of probiotics and managed to not get sick at all. Experiments with foods went well and I was generally happy.
My new daily food intake basically looks like this:
Morning – 2 scrambled eggs, steamed greens, orange juice, 2 slices high fiber toast
Afternoon – Fruit smoothie, soup, carrot-apple juice
Evening – Cheese quesadilla, steamed vegetables, avocado, seltzer
Snacks – Chocolate, nuts, sunflower seeds, probiotic yogurt drinks
Supplements – Probiotics, Fish oil
I’ve discovered I don’t enjoy eating bread nor do I like the way I feel afterwards, but I’m still strongly drawn to it. Weird. Same is true for the protein bars I used to eat every day – don’t like them anymore, still want to eat them. I had two beers out with friends Friday night. Never had any sense of a buzz but felt wickedly dehydrated the next day. Dehydration has been a big thing. I am acutely aware that I need to be drinking much more water than I am.
I had two minor allergic reactions the last two nights in a row. The first one I noticed after it took me forever to wake up yesterday (puffy eyes that did not want to open) and I felt the weird thing-caught-in-the-throat-thing in the shower. It didn’t turn into anything major and passed somewhat quickly. The second I noticed as I was falling asleep last night so I took a Benadryl and passed out.
Both nights I had chocolate almond milk (will I ever grow up?!) and organic crackers with peanut butter. The only thing I can fathom being allergic to in any of those things is Soy Lecithin but the interweb (I jest) tells me that doesn’t really happen because the hot-solvent extraction technique used to process it destroys all of the soy’s allergenic proteins. So do I now have a mild peanut or almond allergy? No words could describe how devastating a nut allergy would be to my taste buds and psyche. Much more so than the wine allergy ever was. But as usual, I’m left with no clear answer. I’ll just cut down on the almond milk and stop eating crackers.
At any rate, I think my body is telling me two things: don’t eat processed foods and don’t eat before bed. Then it’s wagging its finger at me and saying “Seriously. I mean come on, you know this already! Drink some tea and go to sleep.” Because I do know it and I’ve reached the point of no return. I have the knowledge so I can no longer ignore what I know to be true. My brain won’t let me. Thank you brain.
What else would you like to know? I gained back about seven pounds so I’m floating somewhere around 125 lbs. It’s a very comfortable weight for me so I hope I’m able to maintain it. The exercises my physical therapist friend gave me are continuing to help my sciatica and leg/hip immensely. I’m having more and more periods of very little to no pain and can feel my core muscles getting stronger each day. Thank you Sang.
The rest is just a mind game as is most of life it seems. On my good days I stick to my strict diet and I feel healthy and happy both physically and mentally. On my harder days when business gets hectic or I worry about money and where in the world my next boyfriend is hiding out, I eat some things I wish I hadn’t, feel sluggish and get a little depressed.
The difference between before and now is very important to recognize because I’m sure plenty of you read that last sentence and thought “Jenny no! Don’t get depressed because you ate a blueberry muffin! You’re beautiful and wonderful and you have to give yourself a break and you deserve chocolate and yadda yadda yadda!” I love you, but relax. The highs and lows are miniature now. There’s no more berating in the bathroom mirror and sulking wishing the world would go away.
The wave of life is a comfortable ride now. What would my dad say? “The winds are at 5 knots and we’re coasting along on a quiet sea. No gusts in the forecast.” He’d say, “There’s not even enough wind to sail so we’re taking the jib in and motoring home.” Can you tell I’ve been on his boat twice in 15 years? I’ve been terrified of waves my whole life.
Getting a little depressed over a bad choice is a reminder that A) I’m human and B) next time I get to make a different choice. That’s about it. I really think I’m done hating myself.